Breaking Free from Emotional~Compulsive Overeating.....Part Two.....11.19.12

Pssssttt.......Have you ever woke up one morning and looked in the mirror and asked yourself any of these questions: How did I end up here?.......What have I been doing with my life for the last 5, 10 or 15 years?........This isn't what I had planned for my life-now what?

My soul, body and spirit started “waking up” on September 11, 2001.  I began to realize how precious life really was and that I may not live to see my daughter graduate from high school let alone graduate from college if I continued on the self destructive path with eating that I was on.   

Health issues could pop up at any given time as a result of of being well over 100 pounds overweight.

I’d always encouraged Ebonee to take care of herself, get an education and follow her dreams.  Sadly, I wasn’t doing the same for myself and was a terrible role model for her.   Quite honestly, I felt guilty and helpless-  like I couldn't do anything about it. 

It took another six months before I began to actively implement some changes that were necessary in my life to confirm that I was ready to start my health and wellness journey.

In March 2002 something stirred in me-  my spirit was restless.  Ron and Ebonee were away at a basketball camp and I felt absolutely miserable and empty inside.  And it wasn't because I was home by myself- but because I knew I had to get to work on improving myself and that  I couldn't afford to  waste another minute of my life.

My  path to breaking free from emotional –compulsive overeating was a scary, long, bumpy and emotional one.  I had to gather the courage to face my lifelong issues head on and accept responsibility for my life and health.   My husband and daughter were very supportive and encouraging but I knew that there were some demons that I had to face alone.

Life had knocked me down repeatedly and at 34 I had reached rock bottom. 

I was sexually, mentally and emotionally abused by my father from the time that I was 3 until  17 and that is the root cause of me eating into oblivion for years on end.  I not only endured the abuse that my father inflicted upon me, but also from my step mother and several relatives.   I was 10 when I understood that what was happening to me was not "normal".  I told my step mother and she didn't believe me and actually blamed me for what was happening.  I also told some relatives and no one did anything to remove me from the environment and basically ignored me.  I felt hopeless and ashamed.  Basically, I felt like shit and I thought that there was something wrong with me.

At 17, I ended up leaving "home" after I graduated high school and moved to Washington.  I met my husband Ron and we were married three months later.  I shared the details of my past with him and wanted to have a family.  I thought that by having a family right away and becoming a perfect wife and mother,  I could somehow erase my turbulent childhood and escape the pain of having lived through it.  I'd never have to think about the sexual, mental and emotional abuse again right?

I leave you with this- life is not the way it's suppose to be, it is the way it is, RR

p.s. I don't know how many "parts" it will take for me to completely share my story with you, but  will blog about it every Monday until it is complete.