You see, I've never had an alcohol or substance abuse addiction and have never used drugs but I can identify with what it is like to have an addiction. An addiction to food that is.
I can't bear to watch people using drugs in movies or the big screen. I always end up closing my eyes and plugging my ears during them because it brings me to tears to see someone abuse and jeopardize their health. But also because it reminds me of how I dealt with life by stuffing myself with food so I wouldn't feel the feelings beneath the surface.
I know why a person would want to destroy himself instead of dealing with the root cause of the despair, pain, anger, frustration he must be feeling. Because the pain is to much to deal with.
But in reality, watching these kind of scenes makes me take a look at the pain I have experienced and how I chosen to deal with it. From the time I was 3 until I turned 34, I was what you could call a food addict. Food addiction simply put is .......compulsive eating.......binging........uncontrolled eating. It is basically an obsession with food.
I grew up in a dysfunctional home and unconsciously dealt with it by constantly eating. I used to be skinny and my family would joke that I had a "tapeworm" and "ate like a man". I ate all kinds of food without thinking because doing so brought me comfort and throughout my teenage years I picked up the habit of eating several king sized Snickers bars everyday and that stuck with me for years. After spending 15 years weighing 300 pounds, yo yo dieting, eating out of control, taking diet pills and exercising to no avail, I decided to take control and responsibility for my life and health. Up until this point, I had blamed everything and everyone for the way my life was turning out and my excess weight.
 |
| This is a 1 pound Snickers Bar!!!!! |
Several things that can contribute to being overweight are psychological causes, not being physically active and dieting. Overweight can stem from emotional problems that have not been addressed. Eating can be a defense mechanism or a retreat from reality.
My behavior began with a choice. Initially it was an unconscious choice. Even when I realized that the choices that I was making pertaining to food were jeopardizing my health I still continued to eat into oblivion. I can recall when I was about 23, I had been having some indigestion issues for several weeks but wouldn't go see the doctor. I was throwing up, and when I'd lay down to go sleep, I'd wake up coughing up oil from the food that I had eaten for dinner. One night it got so bad that I ended up going to the emergency room and had to have emergency surgery to have my gall bladder removed. When the doctor asked me what I had eaten.......how much and when- I rambled off "two fried pork chops, rice, gravy, bread, cabbage" like it was no big deal. Ha! After surgery and staying in the hospital for a couple of days, I went home and proceeded to carry on like nothing had happened. The one thing that I did change though was drinking up to 100 ounces of water per day. I somehow thought that this would remedy the situation.
I found out the hard way that if you ignore the truth about something you are really hurting yourself.
When the behavioral choice that a person makes- be it drugs, alcohol, food, television, exercise etc......reduces stress, it is likely that the same behavior will be used the next time that stress appears.
I was always told that "what happens in this house, stays in this house". And although I had some positive role models growing up, they were few and far between.
I didn't realize that I was actually depressed until some years later when I began to see a therapist. Even when I would go to my counseling sessions, I would often show up late and with food in hand to eat while in the session.
Depression is a common health condition and isn't a weakness. Which is what I though it was. You can't just snap out of depression because it is a health condition that involves the mind and the body and affects how you think and behave. Depression can also cause some emotional and physical problems and sometimes it may make you feel as though you are not able to go on with your daily activities. Symptoms of depression vary from person to person and include but are not limited to: overeating, loss of interest in your normal activities, sadness, unintentional weight loss, fatigue and irritability. Please seek professional help if you need it.
I found out the hard way that if you ignore the truth about something you are really hurting yourself.
When the behavioral choice that a person makes- be it drugs, alcohol, food, television, exercise etc......reduces stress, it is likely that the same behavior will be used the next time that stress appears.
I was always told that "what happens in this house, stays in this house". And although I had some positive role models growing up, they were few and far between.
I didn't realize that I was actually depressed until some years later when I began to see a therapist. Even when I would go to my counseling sessions, I would often show up late and with food in hand to eat while in the session.
Depression is a common health condition and isn't a weakness. Which is what I though it was. You can't just snap out of depression because it is a health condition that involves the mind and the body and affects how you think and behave. Depression can also cause some emotional and physical problems and sometimes it may make you feel as though you are not able to go on with your daily activities. Symptoms of depression vary from person to person and include but are not limited to: overeating, loss of interest in your normal activities, sadness, unintentional weight loss, fatigue and irritability. Please seek professional help if you need it.
I broke free from emotional......compulsive overeating by accepting responsibility for my life and health and realizing that it would be far better for me to really, really try to win.
Stay Tuned for Part 2, RR
No comments:
Post a Comment